Coffee Review: Starbucks – solar system

[[ENTER WORLD DOMINATION MUSIC]]

Dear Coffee Snobs, You Suck:

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh MYYYYYYYYYYYYYY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!! I love this line from “Friends” where Chandler’s ex-ex-ex girfriend always exclaims this upon seeing him and his friends.   BOY they are everywhere aren’t they–I mean Starbucks.

Yes, I feel this way too, when I see another Starbucks.  I feel this way even more when I see another dope walking in for their daily “fix” like they have to have their Venti, Extra hot, half skim, no foam, hazelnut vanilla latte with a dash of cinnamon.  Only, this feeling is in a bad way and I am definitely not surprised in the least. Yes, I am a hypocrite though.  I do (sort of) love my Starbucks.  I totally appreciated them as a SAFE HOUSE at 5am, on my 48 hours awake and homeless escapade in NY.  Long story short, my hotel made a mistake, I got pissed and went stubborn crazy on them, I wouldn’t leave, they called the cops, I got kicked out for the first time (never had the cops called on me, but I sort of wanted to see what it was like in NY–they basically don’t give a !@$ shi! unless you are gun fight, robbery or whatever–and found out all hotels in the block were booked solid).

Anyway, the only times I can’t “stands” or “hates” them Starbucks is when me and my homies buy their $5.95 sandwhiches which are wayyy too expensive and find that they are not only full of nothing but also tons of chemicals (read the long label).   I also can’t stand that customers are faced with extraordinary prices for liquids.  Was there a day when you thought you would be paying an average of $4 dollars for a cup of hot liquid?  I love my lattes, but this is ridiculous. 

Recently, I have stopped going to Starbucks. Too many, too many and oh yeah, too many of them.  I find their latte and cap’s are in general a joke for a coffee drinker as they have no jolt to them.  The dilute the drink so much that you feel you are drinking heated milk. I learned after too many mistakes and waste of money that I need to ask for “long drip” which means, more flavour and no added cost of asking for an extra shot.  

Now I have heard they are laying off workers!?  Did we get overconfident, arrogant and exuberant…huh? Oh boy Starbucks, you got us all hooked on coffee cause they are like a drug (in fact are a cigarette giant)!  And yes, did we all not realize by now that coffee is not good for us–so why bother? I am not talking about what the news says on/off about them.  I am talking about how you know caffeine works, how we feel and what happens to us: a short jolt followed by a long crash and blues, palpitations of the heart, quick enema or diahrrea, acid reflux or burning, etc. etc. etc.  I don’t know about you, but I do love the smell and flavour.  One person actually said to me, “it taste’s bitter,” and I agreed, but I stil love my coffee. I don’t get hooked on it as a daily habit though. 

Don’t drink dope, spread some hope and join the fresh veggie juice squad!  My family knows me for the funny gal I am..I never leave the house with my hand empty–there’s always a cup of something in it.  BTW, don’t drink veggie juice in traffic as its a natural diuretic (makes you go pee).

I now frequent other spots like Cafe Artiggiano, Blenz or make my own cheap cuppa Joe at home just the way I liiiiiike it. I love my own recipes too!